Commence Freakout

I have made a resolution not to complain so much this semester about my workload, simply because I chose to have a workload this heavy. I don’t have a right to complain since it was my fault… also the whole piano thing needs to get figured out.

I never used to like people who always had an excuse for not meeting their responsibilities. If something didn’t get done, there was always a reason. Even if it was a good reason or a bad reason, it was still an excuse. Part of me always wanted to tell those people to shut up and stop complaining. This is life and you chose it and you deal with it. At the same time I’m quickly finding that I’m becoming one of those people who always has an excuse. If I don’t practice, it’s because I have some reading to do. If i don’t do my reading, it’s because I have to practice. It’s horrible, and I’m beginning to despise myself.

The whole excuses-making thing is something I need to get rid of, especially when it pertains to piano. I don’t have a choice but to make time to practice and try to improve myself so that I will be ready for my senior recital in less than two years.

Part of choosing an especially hard workload this semester was because I have the need to constantly prove myself to myself and others. I need to show them that I can handle 3 hours of daily practice + 4 english classes + 10 hours of work per week + countless rehearsals and other obligations + being a commuter. More of it is because I need to show myself that I can handle this. If I can do this, I can do anything.

Which isn’t really true.

It’s a real problem.

I really don’t have an excuse.

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